Smelting

I recall the myth of Paeton and his decision to take the chariot of his father, the God of the Sun. He wanted to experience greatness, however, in his folly, he burned the universe. Stars came into being at the expense of his life.

Fire as an idea has been a part of my thinking for a long time. It is a part of the analogy of Smelting and it arrives as I think of some of my experiences and what I hope to become. I believe that one can become greater than what they presently are, but the price behind this is adverse to one degree or another. An athlete trains to be great at the expense of the physical pain of training and injury; an artist does this too at the expense of time, error through trial, criticism, and the labor committed to art. Purity requires that impurity must be removed; the process necessarily involved is neither a kind nor easy experience.

I think much of the idea of purging fire as I step into and out of it to become a better, greater person. Inequities are purged by great time and labor in a Purgatorial sense. Biblically, it would be to redeem one to Paradise. In the actual world, is this not analogous to what is required to become a greater person?

I am afraid of the effort and sorts of ‘pain’ that I have to face to become better than I am. However, I am often more afraid that there is not enough time to become what I feel that I ought to. This is one reason why I fear death, and yet, faith has always been difficult for me. This has been something that I’ve been needing to learn; that I’ve enough time and strength in this world to allow great things to emerge from myself. I believe that this is possible. I am committed to making this happen.

On aesthetics

I've had little reading experience with the idea/theory of "Aesthetics". Until I can have my idea improved, I believe that an aesthetic, owned and applied by an individual and/or a culture, is like an inner-personal gauge that evaluates a thing on a purely qualifiable level of value. Not quantifiable; I do not believe that objective evaluation of physical, spacial nor physical measure are relevant aesthetics, such as how one erects a building, with mechanical and mathematical necessity, beginning from its schematic. But as to how the building looks and feels in an acceptable and positive sense to the builder, such as its style, color, and placement in the world, are things that are qualifications as opposed to quantifications. An object considered ugly and unsightly has qualified such a thing through his/her personal aesthetics. Another may have an alternative form of aesthetics that may qualify for one interest or even beauty, for the same object considered negatively.

My personal aesthetics have their grounds in several periods of the Renaissance; a synthesis of subject matters that concerned Rubens, of Caravaggio and Rembrandt for their considerations and experimentation of light and shadow, and then the artists of the Mannerist period where the imaginatively ideal influenced their sense of color and the human form. The Impressionist period that had begun in France had offered me alternatives to brush quality and color application, and the movement of the Surrealists offered me the possibility of what descends my consciousness. I've spent much time synthesizing these styles and idea's in combination with my own contributions.

I sometimes feel that the relevance of my art can be compromised by the aesthetics that govern it. I have been using archaic visual ideas and themes, of which that seem not of cultural or popular interest when compared to the contemporary/modern. The nude, the male nude especially, is neither an aesthetic that comes without difficulty when it faces the puritanical judgments of the western world. I've dedicated myself to being an artist; however, I am afraid that my art with my aesthetics applied may not be evaluated as something desirable or needed in the world.

What does an artist do if this is the case? I could either go on being an artist with the hope that the world will judge me well and desire my art as a contribution, or be an artist to generate work that will be ignored. I'd be an artist all the same, and a good one; however the rest of the world as my judge and that of my work seems to be the other half of my success. I hope that I will be involved in the world at the right time if a cultural void appears and it hungers for an aesthetic that will help take it beyond the now.

Afretbirthed

2006 and 2007 were years when I had experiences that have provided great personal transformation. This image is one of many that represents what this experience was like. I often wonder of the experiences that have influenced the images and idea's of the many artists and thinkers of this world.

Smelting, as a concept, is relevant to this image. A pure substance is hoped to derived or extracted from a body of impurities. Gold, for example, within a vessel of great heat, can be released from the earth that contains it. The slag, however, is left behind.

Smelting, to me, serves as an analogy for profound transformation; intellectually, spiritually, and so fourth. The "purity" that I felt had been extracted from my self through my 'experiences' in 2006 and 2007 had transformed me into how I am now (both intellectually and how I've come to exist spiritually). I do however consider the the possible aspects of my self that would be analogous to slag; I often wonder what had become of it. Does it still reside within? Does the 'slag' of being, rendered unnecessary, disappear or become something else? How does it appear and does it have a function? Metaphorically, does this after-birth assume another form of inner life and re-arrive as a golem or a monster? Or will it become passive like earth where it can allow something to grow? I believe that it becomes absorbed or transformed. Into what, I still do not know. I try to imagine it however; this image reflects this curiosity.